Rappers have shown their love for horror movies throughout the years whether it be through using the Halloween theme for a sample or with lyrics referencing famous villains like, “Freddy Krueger give em a nightmare”. Rappers love horror movies, and what could be better than casting them in their own horror movie? Based on extensive research, these are the rappers I believe would fit each classic horror movie trope and how likely they are to survive in a Cabin in the Woods scenario. 

The Whore: Drake

This character, although problematic, is a common horror movie trope where a young woman who is depicted as promiscuous is generally the first to die, often in a brutal fashion. 

Given this working definition, Drake would be the first to die in a horror-movie-type scenario. He has already done the job of painting himself as promiscuous– he’s always the first to have a picture with the new rap girl, he has spent his whole career dropping names of girls in his songs and talking about his promiscuous lifestyle, famously said “Say that you a lesbian, girl, me too”... the list goes on. In a horror movie scenario, he would probably try to flirt with the murderer... As much as we love him and his corny lyrics, they would lead him to a certain death in a horror movie.  

The Jock: Lil Wayne

The jock in horror movies is easily recognizable, usually wearing a letterman's jacket– they’re the popular one, extroverted, affable, and a team leader. 

Lil Wayne is a seasoned veteran in the rap game. He’s the MVP, he’s a show-off, he’s that one player dunking effortlessly every game, and he’s definitely the jock. He has timeless swag, like a letterman’s jacket, but his letterman’s jacket is a Bape hoodie and sunglasses. Wayne has swag and wit and gets girls, and he’s an athlete, the elements of being the jock. He would put up a fight against a killer in a horror movie. He would summon the “Young Money Militia” to put up a fight against the killer, he would label the killer as a “Hater” and this would fuel the Young Money Militia to attack. Inevitably, the jock has to die because that’s the way it goes, he would die a noble jock death sacrificing himself on the front lines of the Young Money Militia’s fight. 

The Sexy Couple: Rihanna and ASAP Rocky

This is the couple that is all over each other at the beginning of the movie then they leave the group to have sex in the woods because they’re so fun and in love. Usually, they end up getting killed brutally by the villain during this escapade.

I don’t want to think about this unfortunate fate for Rihanna and ASAP Rocky, but they would definitely be the sexy couple of a horror movie. Rihanna would find the California King Bed in the cabin and she and ASAP Rocky would leave the group to the California King Bed. They would be taking off each designer piece one by one and probably face a brutal fiery death by the killer. Horror movies do everything they can to renounce sex and sexiness, you hate to see it, but they would die brutally on the California King Bed. 

The Skeptic: RXKNephew

Every horror movie needs a skeptic. This is the person who doesn’t seem to want to believe anything that’s going on or believes there is some reason behind everything besides the supernatural. 

RXKNephew is skeptical of everything, he is always inventing new conspiracies within his lyrics. In one of his most popular songs, he even claims the government wrote the Bible. He isn’t scared to say anything and certainly would not be scared of a supernatural creature. He’s not a follower either, there’s no way he would just go along with the rest of the group if they were scared of something, he would be skeptical of it up until the end. He would be killed shortly after the Sexy Couple. Horror movies don’t like the ‘nonbelievers’, he would be murdered in front of everyone  who’s left to teach the rest of the characters a lesson to not doubt the power of the monster or the killer. 

The Pawn: Tyler the Creator 

The Pawn is very important to the progression of a horror movie, the horror portion couldn’t start without them. They’re the ones that open the box you shouldn’t mess with, they walk in the door of the haunted house, mess with the Ouija board, read the book in Latin in the scary basement… 

Tyler the Creator would be the one to mess with the thing that shouldn’t be messed with. He has been a provocateur throughout his career, just trying to have fun and make his friends laugh no matter the level of general offense caused. He didn’t care what people had to say about it, he was going to do what he wanted to do. That’s the attitude you need to be the one venturing into the basement to summon the demon or wake the zombies. Of course, he would wake the demon somehow and pull the demon's pants down or something to make his friends laugh, angering the demon and leading to his murder. 

The Scholar: Kendrick Lamar

The Scholar is the guy who brings his book to the cabin in the woods. It’s also the guy using creative means to defeat the monster rather than simply fighting. They could appear in the movie as the hacker or the scientist. 

Kendrick Lamar is the one who would bring a book. He would be trying to tell Tyler The Creator to put down the cursed amulet, he would be the one in the group that’s putting two and two together, and the one trying to outsmart the killer. He would be the one who somehow has innate knowledge on how to get the demon to go away, he’d start reciting a different spell from the book in Latin because he somehow also knows how to read Latin. He would be building traps for the monsters and succeeding slightly (horror movies love the clever guy). Eventually, he would have to die too, though not as brutally as the Jock or the Sexy Couple. 

The Stoner: Wiz Khalifa 

The Stoner provides comedic relief in horror movies by being obsessed with weed, no matter the circumstance. They usually allow the villain to get some sort of ironic kill. 

Wiz Khalifa. Doesn’t need much explaining. He would die smoking weed in the corner. He would offer some to his killer first, and maybe the killer would even accept to add some lighthearted fun to the movie, but be murdered soon after.

The Harbinger: Joe Budden 

This is the guy that warns of impending doom, usually an old guy at the gas station who says, “Oh the family that lived in that house was never heard from again…” or something like that. 

I knew this role had to go to an old head in the rap game who is always saying things like, “The rap game is dead now” or “Rap isn’t what it used to be” or just hating on any innovation in rap, warning new rappers not to get into the game. Joe Budden fits the role perfectly. He is constantly getting on a podcast to tell us about the state of hip-hop, saying things like, ”Hip-hop is in trouble” or saying the next five years of hip-hop look “dark”. He would be the one warning people of impending doom, the difference is that in the movie the Harbinger is usually right. 

The Final Girl: Nicki Minaj

The most enduring trope through all the decades of horror movies is the Final Girl trope. Usually, they are the last ones standing at the end, with Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween being one of the first and most iconic examples.

Nicki Minaj is the final girl. She is constantly saying, “All these bitches are my sons” and surely a horror movie villain would just become another one of her sons. There is no way she would go out without a fight. I found her lyrics in the song “Monster” to be inspirational for casting her as the final girl. She says, “Okay first things first I’ll eat your brains” proving that she would not be scared to get revenge on the villain in the horror movie. She later says, “And I’ll say ‘Bride of Chucky, it’s Child’s Play,’ just killed another career, it’s a mild day”. Nicki would survive in the end, she would kill another villain like it’s a mild day. Some may say Roman would come out.